i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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