remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
