Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
