I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
