there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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