we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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