You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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