I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
