he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize