yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Success! We fucked roommates!
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