I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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