I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
jump out the window naked night went bad
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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