Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
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My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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