Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
