I accidentally had phone sex last night
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
