We won't sleep together?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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