I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
