You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
