first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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