and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
