Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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