So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
