Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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