Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
