her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
vagina is talking i cant
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
