no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
