before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
