Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you traded sex for a burrito?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
