he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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