So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
