I want to make a zoo with you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
