You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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