C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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