ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
