if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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