It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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