I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
