I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
