I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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