Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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