just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
