When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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