my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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