Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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