..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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