from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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