HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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