im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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