She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This baby is an asshole
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
