I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
