your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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