Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
