Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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