I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
