Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
