Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just pee around me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
