Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
