There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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