I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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