I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
