I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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