If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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