I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He did a backflip because drugs
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