she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
