no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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