I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
