Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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