dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
