I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize