Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
