shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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