i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
