Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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