Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
