i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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