I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
