He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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