My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
