Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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