She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
