How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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