They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
