I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize